Richness of Solitude, Loneliness of Self
by Wolvierules88
Summary: This is a story of an evolution of sorts. A growth of human spirits. It is about reaching out, connecting, and thinking beyond the pale. Logan and Jubilee are an established couple. Jubilee is over twenty-one. Rated T for language and adult situation.


This is a story of an evolution of sorts. A growth of human spirits. It is about reaching out, connecting, and thinking beyond the pale.

Logan and Jubilee are an established couple. Jubilee is over twenty-one. Rated T for language and adult situation.

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I would like to thank my friend and beta reader Aldebaran. This story evolved, took many shapes, as we worked on it. Her suggestions, as always, are what made it good, and helped me to take it much further than I would have. A great story (if I do say so myself) is the result. Thank you, my friend!

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**Richness of Solitude, Loneliness of Self**

I mean, yeah, as a rule, the guy always irritated the shit outta me. He's a pain in the ass. In so many damn ways, you wouldn't believe. He ain't no damn spider, he's a fly, buzzing, buzzing. Not only does he run off at the mouth non-stop, he thinks he's a comedian too. Another thing, he can't sit still for more than a few seconds, always flitting around, always with his nose where it shouldn't be.

Parker'll never be on my A-list, people I call friends, that's for damn sure. But there was this one night that got me to think about him differently, and that happened in a very unusual way. All on account of my girl, Jubilee.

I'd taken her to this fancy-ass eatery. Treating her to a night out in one of the swanky areas of downtown New York City. Dinner, drinks at some other nice establishment, maybe a place where we could cut the rug. Even a movie woulda been fine with me. It was her night.

I'm always a little leery of spending time in Spider-Man's stomping grounds. Tonight was no exception. Last thing I wanted was for us to cross paths. But what were the chances? Come on, the city is huge.

Well, you guessed it. Odds were pretty damn good, apparently.

I'd parked a few blocks from the restaurant. It was a beautiful summer night, Jubilee wanted to walk some, do a little window shopping. Spotted him right off. Hands jammed into his pockets, heels scuffing the pavement. His face was tense, twisted a little, like angry. Or something. I didn't care.

Our eyes locked. Could be I looked a little pissed because he didn't speak, walked right on by. I got a good whiff of him as he passed. Guy was wallowing in self-pity. Pining, if my nose was right. And it always was.

"Wait, Logan," Jubes said. Tender-hearted as she is, she called back after him. "Hey, Peter. Hi."

I didn't want to know what Parker's problem was. Jubilee's heart's too soft, sometimes. But that empathy was one of the things I loved about her and I sure didn't want to quash that, in any way.

He turned. "Oh, hey," he said. Looking like he just woke up or something, hair a mixture of flattened whorls and drooping spikes. Bleary-eyed.

"You okay?" Jubes asked.

"Oh sure. I'm great. Never better."

"You look like shit." That was from me, in case you were wondering.

Jubes squeezed my arm. "What're you doing?" she said to him.

Spidey shrugged, looked away. "I'm... just... uh, you know. Checking up on the city."

"Right," I said. "In street clothes." Why the hell was I talking to him? I didn't care, dammit. He was holding us up.

"Oh," Parker said, blinking down at himself, as if he had no clue what he was wearing. "Well sure. Why not?"

Jubilee gave my arm another squeeze as she glanced at me. I knew what she wanted, what she was gonna do.

"You look like you could use some company," she said. "Why don't you join us?"

My self-centered heart dropped down to my boots. I can't say in total confidence I didn't let it show. Because clueless as Parker usually was, he backed off. Could be he just didn't want to interrupt our date.

No. This was Parker, after all.

"Oh, I- I can't, I shouldn't," he said, moving away. "Busy, you know. But thanks. Thanks a lot. I appreciate the offer, I really do. You two go on. Have a nice night."

He made his way down the street, and I tugged Jubilee to get her going, to tear her eyes off of his retreating back.

At the restaurant we were given a booth in a private corner, as per my request. We were dressed to the nines that night. I was wearing my best suit, strangling in a bow-tie. Jubes likes 'em, bow-ties, so that's what I wear when we go out like this, which isn't often enough for her, I know. She looked stunning in peacock blue, a dress made out of sheer stuff that clung to her body. She had some sort of glitter on her skin, her shoulders. The candlelight made her sparkle. Twin flames reflected in her eyes. My girl was a damn vision, something conjured up from a fever dream. What a dying man might see, on his way to heaven.

Eh. Anyway. For a while we talked about you-know-who. Jubes speculated Parker'd had some sort of a blow-up with his girl, MJ, that's why he was mooning around, looking pathetic. Sounded logical. Explained his scent, the sad-sack demeanor. That line about patrolling the city was bull.

Jubilee's concern for the kid got me to thinking about him, dammit. Really thinking, I mean. As in considering what the hell was going on. Because I was all too familiar with it. Being alone, I mean. Wishing for someone to take an interest, to care. I understood how it was to wander a city 'til the small hours, haunting the busiest streets because any company, even that of passing strangers, was better than being alone.

Eventually though, we put ol' Spidey on the back burner. Her thoughts moved to other things, namely me. By the time we were halfway through our meal our talk had turned real cozy and she was giving me the eye. Telling me how sharp I looked. Even took off a high-heel and started playing around under the table, creeping her toes up my leg. Kept touching me in other ways, too, like leaning in to whisper little things. Once I drew her close, whispered back nothing but a low growl, and let my tongue run along the edge of her ear. Watched her smile and shudder, while underneath my hand a rush of goose-bumps prickled.

After leaving the place she clung to me as we walked, and pulled my willing self into the first alley we came to. Her hands were urgent and quick, touching my face, roaming my chest. Hot as a goddamn firecracker she was, and so was I. I concentrated on tasting that throat of hers, all the way down to where the collarbones met, that tender little hollow, as her hands pushed through my hair.

This was a busy street. Cars were going by, and people. Dumpsters lined that alley. Plastic bags overflowing with cans and bottles slumped against them. It stunk. Miscellaneous trash, rotting food.

And there were rats. Cockroaches. Those critters had no mind for class, they were equal opportunity scavengers.

Not exactly a scenic place, was it, this alley. Guess even these ritzy neighborhoods have something in common with the poorer districts.

Jubilee was pulling at my lapels. "Kiss me, Logan," she murmured, hands sliding up over my shoulders, breath hot in my hair. Her voice was like melted chocolate. She smelled of the lotion on her skin, her shampoo. Underneath all that it was just Jubilee, her natural perfume welling up like heat rising from the pavement in July.

A car sent a slant of flashing brilliance into the blackness of the alley, igniting a flare of sparks across Jube's shoulders. Looked for a moment like she was lit from within, her passion and her joie de vivre glowing right through her skin.

I did as she asked, plunging headlong into that fire. Deep, deep kiss. The kind where you feel like you're falling, swirling in endless sensation, like how eagles must feel, spiraling in their mating flight.

I pushed her up against the wall in the way she likes, all growly and fierce. Hands roaming her body. She was laughing deep in her throat, seductive as hell, punctuating it with soft little shrieks and gasps of pretend fear. Trying to fend me off. Get away. All part of our little game. I finally pinned her wrists, pressed myself against her.

"Got you now," I growled.

"I don't think so," came a voice from above, accompanied by a sound I knew too damn well.

_Thwip-thwip! _

Incredulous, pissed as all hell, I spun around just as the threads smacked my shoulder. Grabbed the sticky strands and yanked, giving it my all.

Down he fell with a startled little squawk, grabbing at the wall, saving himself from going splat at about eye level. Perfect. I lunged. The bastard flailed out of reach just as I slammed my left claws into the bricks. Don't worry. I wasn't aiming for him. Just wanted to be sure he knew I wasn't happy.

"What the hell're you playin' at, Parker?" I bellowed, pulling free.

Jubilee's arms found me, urging me back. She had this frown on her face that looked like it was dying to turn into a big grin.

Spider-Putz cautiously descended the wall a pace or two, babbling a mile a minute.

"Oh man, oh boy, I am _so _sorry, I didn't know it was you! I thought there was a - Logan, I thought you were trying to- I mean, I didn't know it was _you_, but I thought you- this person- was about to, you know, do something awful-"

His voice was like a shard of glass, flaying my nerves wide open.

"Shut up, Parker," I said. "Go away. Web your sorry ass out of here. You did your good deed. Now get."

"Wait," Jubes said. "I want to- Peter, thank you."

Here's the thing, bottom line. Ididn't give a shit if Spider-Man was spending his down time alone. But I'd do anything for Jubilee. I tried hard to tamp down my irritation.

Parker stepped to the pavement, keeping a good distance from yours truly.

"You're welcome," he said. "Saving a damsel in distress is the best therapy. Not that-"

"She wasn't in no distress. And if Jubilee ever really needs saving it'll be me that does it."

"Of course, of course! I just mean- well, you know what I mean."

"Alright then."

"Oh, uh... you guys? I wasn't on patrol before."

"Now there's a revelation." Came out with something like a snarl. So what.

He quickly turned to Jubilee. Moved closer to her. Was he gonna step behind her and peek out at me, all big-eyed, shaking in his silly boots? I almost laughed.

"Me and MJ... we... well. I was upset. Trying to get my head on straight. Think things through, you know? I didn't want to be alone. I just..." He shrugged.

"Bet it helped to suit up, do some real work," Jubilee said. "It helps me." She was right there, how often have I drowned my worries by plunging into a job full tilt?

"Maybe. Well, yeah," he said.

"I'm glad you feel a little better. I was worried."

"You were? You were worried about me?" He turned my way. "She was- oh. Okay, I better go. Leave you guys to, ah...well."

He aimed a wrist, then turned slightly. "I really am sorry I intruded. I had only the best intentions." A strand of shiny, twisted webbing shot out, hit the rain gutter far above. "I can't seem to make anything right," he mumbled as he whisked himself away, over the rooftop.

Jubes and I looked at each other. "Gee. Poor guy," she said.

"He's fine." I stepped into her arms. Okay, maybe he wasn't, but right then all I wanted was to get reacquainted with her lips, her throat, those glittering shoulders. Done thinking about Peter Parker.

"Do you think he was up there long?" she said after a moment or two.

"Nah," I murmured.

"Maybe he was hanging around for a while at first, watching us." Her voice was getting all melty again.

I pulled back. "What're you gettin' at?"

"Don't you find it a little exciting? Just the tiniest little bit?" God, the look she gave me. Can cool blue eyes be said to smolder red hot? Hell, yeah.

Her hands slid beneath my jacket, stroking my ribs, my back.

She kissed me again, with more urgency. Her tongue slipped into my mouth. Her teeth caught my lower lip, biting playfully.

Like I said before. I'd do anything for Jubilee. I don't care what it is.

This alley tryst was an exploration for her, a new and exciting thing, and so was the thought of somebody watching. 'Cause obviously, besides Parker's possible sneaky peek, we could still be walked in on.

Jubilee's hand caressed the front of my pants, perfect way to grab my attention right quick.

I pushed her into the blackest shadows, behind a jutting bit of wall. Grasped her hips, pressed myself against her. I wanted to feel her wrapped around me. Her scent, her lips against my throat, were riling me to a fever pitch. I lifted her head to look into her eyes.

"You... y' sure, darlin'?" I managed, searching their depths.

"Oh yes," she breathed.

I reached down to her most intimate place as she fumbled with my belt. Ripped her panties right off, sure as hell didn't mean to. Delicate, lacy things. Still had enough presence of mind to shove 'em into my pocket.

My hands clutched Jubilee's perfect ass, her legs grasped my hips tight. Her arms clung to me, her face was buried in my neck.

Her hips rocked forward. I pushed into her warmth. We moaned in unison, keeping still for a moment, savoring what was to come. My inclination, go at it hard and fast, I was so damn excited. My hackles were rising, my lips wanted to peel back in a snarl. A different kind of heat was thrumming through my veins, keeping time with the litany roiling in my brain.

Show him, show him. Show the bastard he's got no claim, and never will. Show him who's the alpha 'round here.

The urge to dominate was nearly overwhelming, and that sure as hell ain't what I'm like with Jubilee, ever. It was that shit with Parker of course, bringing it out. I made a concentrated effort and shoved those urges down. I will never let that happen, never take a chance of hurting my girl. She may like me growly but our little rough and tumbles are all play, we both like to pretend sometimes. I'm always careful to make note of the difference.

I got nothing to prove to anybody.

I pulled back, moved easy. Hand once again firm on my reins.

Soon enough her hands were in my hair again, and clutching at my neck, my shoulders. She was reaching the end. Her scent told me it'd be any moment so I let myself go, joining her in beautiful, ecstatic release.

Jubes was settling down, her feet found terra firma again. She nipped at my collarbone, sharp little kisses. My hand dipped between her legs, lingering for a time as she sighed against me, coming up moist with our essence. She took my fingers into her mouth. When we kissed the taste of us was there.

Well, about a week or so later I was in town again, and you guessed it. There he was, a block up the street, coming out of a bagel joint. Damn strange coincidence. Like somebody's pulling the strings, you know? But this was good. He had a big paper sack tucked under his arm. I came up behind him. Guess he was day-dreaming because I got real close with no reaction.

"Wake up, Parker," I said, and watched him whip around with a look of panic. His bag of bagels went flying.

"Logan! Oh God Logan! Don't stab me, please," he began. "I was going to call you, I really was, make sure we were good, but I- well, touchy subject, you know? I am so sorry, it really was a mistake, I'd never-"

When I flashed my teeth he clammed up, and when I drew even closer, he froze like a little bunny.

"Don't get your undies in a bunch," I said. "I'm givin' you a break. You got her to thank for that."

I could see him relax a little. "Really?" he said. "Oh- oh wow, oh man. Logan, that's-that's just- thank you, man. I am really sorry. It was a total accident. I really thought there was something-"

"Shut _up_ for Chrissake. Jesus." This was new territory for me. Can't say I was feeling too comfortable. Parker still looked like hell. All the more reason to press on, try to make my point. "Just want you t' know, I get you. You're alone, feel like you're missin' out. I been there-"

"Yeah, you get it, don't you? You're a loner type, even though now you've got it made." He retrieved his bag of bagels, brushing off and tossing back in the ones that'd fallen out. His tone was somber, his expression drawn. He wasn't playing the comedian now.

"I envy you, your happiness, Logan," he said. "And I'm so sorry I intruded."

He looked away, scuffing a toe along the pavement. "I appreciate your concern, really. You don't have to feel sorry for me."

"That's a real nice notion you got there Parker, but I don't feel sorry for you. I don't know why I'm bothering but I'm gonna tell you a little something that somebody said to me once, made a difference in my life. Got me out of a rut I was in."

"I need that. I really do. I sure am in a rut. For a long time now, and I'm ready to-"

"Stop talking. Listen to me, so I can get the hell on with my business. It ain't so much the loneliness that's eating you up. It's not being able to be comfortably alone. Solitude is a richness of self. Learn to be at ease in your own skin when no one's around. If you can do that, loneliness will turn to solitude. And that's a precious thing. Then go after that little spitfire of yours, that MJ. Guarantee it'll work wonders on her take o' you."

Left him there, staring after me.

I guess it was a sort of connection we made, old Parker and me. Tossing him that bone was a little thing.

Bet you're wondering who it was gave me that good advice. But that'd be too easy, putting it down here, plain.

Figure it out. One of life's pleasures is its mystery. That ain't much of one.

Me, I got stuff to do. Got a date tonight. Much as I hate shopping, a new suit's on the agenda. Torture, sure enough. Then the jewelry store. Going to get Jubes a little sparkly for her wrist. Something nice.

Not sure what we're going to do. Jubilee's gonna surprise me. Just know she wants to go ritzy again, and that's fine with me.

I'm looking forward to giving her this little gift. I like watching her eyes light up when I give her stuff. They light up even without gifts, they light up just for me. She likes to be with me, likes having me around. People take that for granted, but I never do. That's a gift too, one more precious than diamonds.

The kind of togetherness Jubes and I have is special. A real richness of solitude, if you know what I mean. You may have to let that simmer a while, but that's okay. When it all falls into place, when you feel that truth sitting comfortable in your heart, your soul will come alive, and there will always be someone to turn to.

That's when the kind of life you were meant to lead really begins.

Honestly, I hope Parker finds that place of peace. He's done a lot of good, for a lot of people. Guy deserves some happiness.

And if that ever leaks out... Well, let's just say I know where you live, and leave it at that.


End file.
